Realizations and the Procedure.
The aim of this new procedure is to help me with the effects of the growth on my spine, which has been with me for over nine years. The growth has been removed, grown back and continues to perplex the neurosurgeons and various other medical specialists; their goal now is to reduce the pain. With this said, I have come to see that the growth and it's effects are a part of my life. I no longer fight the fact that my life has been radically altered because of it (just like a person can't alter the fact that life situations have occurred and changed their lives i.e. death, divorce, abuse et al). Granted there are days when I am angry or sad from the ever present pain, mobility issues, as well as the loss of strength and stamina in my legs/body et al, but this is who I am, now.
However with this new procedure, I am nervous about it; the bundle of nerves that exit my spinal column is where they will be injecting a drug into my nerve sheath. I have been informed that there could be negative results, which are on the more serious effects of meningitis, but then again, I was told that there was a possibility I would die when I went in for surgery to remove the growth. I'm still here, and I intend to be here for many years to come. And yet, I'm still nervous.
'I am Ready.' (thoughts about life and the procedure)
Being ready is a state of mind and attitude. Life does not always go according to plan and sometimes the rug seems to have been pulled out from under us. From that, I find I encourage myself to stand up again, and carry on.
I'm not sure what will happen next. I'm not sure of the result, but I find what works best for me is to feel what I am feeling, and then, when I'm inclined, I take the first step.
When I try to see the future, or even try to take in the big picture, I can get overwhelmed. So I find I need to step back, be present and break it down into small steps and stages. In fact, sometimes the only thing I can see is what is right in front of me. And that is okay.
So when I say "I'm ready," it means that despite my fears and tears, I am willing to take the next step. All I can do is show up, and by doing that, I have done my part.
I am ready.
Light and Love,